I have reflected in different areas of my life in the past few months and found that I have been abusing my relationship with food. Throughout my life I have never really had to worry about my weight or about the foods I have been eating. I love eating healthy, but on the same note I love to indulge...kind of a bipolar relationship to food to say the least. After giving birth to Sawyer, I continued to eat the same way and at the same capacity that I did when I was pregnant (which might I add here I have never enjoyed food so much as when I was growing a baby...my appetite was insatiable). When I started to dissect these tendencies and dig a little deeper into the why's...what I found were a ton of unpleasant feelings and situations that I hadn't really dealt with. You see my first few months of being pregnant I had many changes combined with an incredibly hurtful situation that dragged on for the entire pregnancy; my defence mechanism was to protect my space, (as I was sharing it with a little being that needed nothing but happiness, nourishment and love to grow into a complete human being)...so that is what I did. Unfortunately with everything happening altogether...I might have pushed aside the feelings that needed to be dealt with right away and filled it with yummy food and baby love. Everyday I felt complete-perfect!...Actually, the truth is I just allowed myself to focus on the positive and filled all my open uncomfortable space with things that felt good (like yummy food).
Giving myself space to feel the unpleasant feelings...helped heal the wounds and start to build trust again. I also knew my food triggers; coffee was my gateway drug to the land of sugar...I could drink 3-4 each day telling myself that it was making me feel better and that I needed it. I was a complete addict...unbelievable that I coached myself the same way a drug addict would, "I'll stop tomorrow", I'll just have one today", "I need to have one right now"...on and on and on. So 3 weeks ago I stopped and I feel great!
Step by step I have rekindled a heathy relationship to how I fuel my body and my mind; I am now in the drivers seat making conscious decisions rather then divulging based on craving. By far, my biggest learning has been that when I felt the uncomfortable feeling of hunger...it was really the feelings I needed to sit with and learn that it is ok to have them and I don't need to fill them up and push them down.
"What in which stands in our way, is the way" ~Nico Luce
And so the journey continues...
xoxo
C
