Love at first sight...or not?

Movies always show moms falling in love-at-first-sight with their newborn babies. This is not always the case, and we all have our own stories and journeys that we should be proud of sharing, rather then feeling guilty for not "experiencing the norm".

I actually think my first day with Sawyer was quite humorous when I think back to it. You see, I really thought the doctor was going to deliver the baby, wrap him up quickly, pass him into my arms and say "congratulations Charlotte...you just gave birth to a beautiful boy"; this so was not the case! Our first encounter together was not this magical moment or absolute love at first sight; I was in such a place of focus (trying to push out this nugget and make it through the pain), that I didn't have anytime to get out of that head space and prepare for the big introduction. My doctor cheeringly hucked the baby on my chest so quickly that it completely caught me off guard. My mom said that I looked like a deer caught in head lights, staring at this little being in total shock. Yes, I thought he was amazing and divine; but in all honesty, I couldn't connect to the fact that this new baby was mine and had been inside of me for the previous 9 months. I remember just looking at this little being, waiting for this big momentous love to erupt, but still nothing. There was a small part of me that thought I was weird, or that something might be wrong with me.

Once the entire day was done and all my visitors/nurses left me alone for the night; I remember waking up for our first feed all alone. It was at this moment, when all was silent and we were alone that I fell in love with my baby and the full connection was felt. All the crazy hormones, adrenaline, out-of-body focus, and pressure had finally passed; I was able to be still, be present and connect with this beautiful gift.

There is no norm, just experiences. They are all different, special and come when it's the right time for both mom and baby.

C